To a friend...

I haven't read my bible today... I've been putting it off... Things came up... EXCUSES...

Basically I woke up... had b'fast and started baking. Oh yeah I bake... lol... Made the fruit loaf, Had it for b'fast. Also I helped my mum make some apple tarts. And a ginger cake, all yummy stuff. After this post I'm going straight to the bible in the front hall.

This post is to a friend of mine... He's been going through a lot lately... but you know what? He's made me Very VERY!! Proud! What he's been going through is his business... not for me to divulge on the internet as some people so often do. People, who have no say in the matter, however choose to fuel the fire. However my post is not about them but my friend.

He's taken the high road; he's found freedom in the power of forgiveness. This is the turning point in his life. It brightens my heart that he would let me be apart of it. He's learning to shed his old nature and take on a new one. This event has become the foundation for him to weather the storms that life will throw at him.

And you know... what happened to him has helped me too... I've learnt what matters most to me through what has happened to him. I've learnt things. They're personal. They can't be explained in words, words don't have the power required to say what I've learnt.

Thank you, my friend.

Title: My February Friend.

In the month of February,
Where soon winter’s night gives into spring’s day,
Where melting snow is the precursor of budding flowers,
Where we celebrate the goodness of St. Valentine’s Day,

A child was born,
He grew up like many men forlorn,
Sad and alone,
Forgotten by those he’s known,

Now this boy I speak of, a better friend I could not ask for,
A path he’s paved, for his own sake,
Forgave, been forgiven, for salvation, the high road he’s taken,
I, a prouder friend could not be, to be his acquaintance,

Tristan – Out!

In Christ

Tristan D.

Tempted

I woke up this morning feeling tempted to slip into my old nature... To slip to the old me... other parts of the old me...

I don't want to be that person... So I'm trying to keep my mind focus on the good things in my life... Problem is some good things eventually lead to well... uhm... not so good things... lets just leave it at that. Lord help me.

Anyway, I'm blogging to get it out of my system... I don't want to dwell on it, I want to be free of it...

So not much happened over the weekend... Saturday was the usual, @ church from 4-7pm, sunday up early for more church (I GOT TO PLAY the BASS GUITAR) 3rd time this month... oh yeah...

But I miss the old bass I used to play in KL... it had more boom... haha...

Still church was ok... Our priest mumbled through the sermon... not cool... not cool at all...

In other news there was a party saturday night and well I couldn't be there... I read about it in Charisma's blog... nice to know there was fun somewhere...

Oh self-pity... lol... nah just wondered if anyone noticed if I was not there... I highly doubt it... They looked like they were having real fun... and that is a good thing... I sigh deeply not being able to be there... though I wonder if my presence would have contributed to the fun or detracted from it... what with my ongoing strife with several unnamed people... it's not that I wish for strife in my life... but sometimes there is nothing you can do for certain situation, it's the other party that must take action...

Enough of the other people... haha... I'm going to cut this short because I have a date with wow... oh yeah...

To my confetti friend throw as much as you like... And Chris I'm trying peace instead of chaos...
I'm trying to make sense of everything, today I read something in the bible and the other book that goes with the bible called Our Daily Bread.

It spoke about the two greatest fears that fishermen faced in life, Storms at sea, and absolute calm sea. Now you'd understand the storm part, what about the calm? Well at sea when there is no wind a boat gets stuck, it can't move. And that is how life is, sometimes everything is a roller coaster, it going everywhere and usually always out of your control. However life can sometimes come to a complete stand still and you're going nowhere... There is nothing. However even when we've got to where the storm or stay put... The passage taught me to keep on praying for the Lord to be in my life that he will sustain me for his purpose... And that's all it really takes... trusting that God will work things out for you.

So whether you're like me stuck in a moment while storms rage around you, or having your own peril, look to God, you might be pleasently suprised.
With love,

In Christ

Tristan D.

New freedom found... in servitude

I am different today, I thought more about God today then I usually do. I am trying to see things the way he wants me to see them. I am trying to submit to his will.

Today I was in church and my mum talked about depression... I thought I was depressed... But really I'm not... I've got all I need a God who loves me and a Savior who has died for me already on the cross. I have a family who love me and want me around. And I have friends... Slowly I am fixing the mistakes I made with them. I hope soon they will want me around as much as I want them around. Slowly that is one of my goals. However my main goal is to be back in the service of the most high doing what I do best playing the bass guitar. I've to find a church that will take me in, all will, and find a band. Before I join the band I have to get my walk with the Spirit right. Slowly... Small steps will end in a journey that will span my whole life.

It's bring great happiness to have a purpose again... I don't want to lose it... not again... I am no longer a wallower of sadness and disorder... but a source of joy and peace. I fragile chaos have broken and repaired with peace.

Peace and serenity... That is what I will seek for and I know I don't have to look far... Christ is always watching.

Once a long time ago a friend asked if I could ever be positive about life. My dear friend I now see that I can... I have found my path and not too late...

Thank you my Lord
With love,

In Christ

Tristan D.

Walking Away, Craig David... Thanks

It's a good song... from a musical point of view it's soothing, it's light, it's smooth... From a lyrical stand point, walking away from the problems in your life? an interesting option? personally that's not how i think someone should deal with their problems... if you've screwed up you don't walk away, you hang in there and you weather the outcome.

Talking about weather, I was told by someone that I would experience storms in my relationships. At the time I thought it would be just one significant relationship. I thought that if I saw the signs I could prevent it. Little did I know that it would be storms in all my relationships. All my relationships are stormy, and I'm the one who sails into the storm. I've even managed this with my relationship with the most high. How is that? I've thought about it, many times over. I know why.

This same person told me that when I reached the eye of the storm and all around me was trouble only one I would call on the name of the Lord, and I would be rescued.

I know his power. I know he can save me. I just haven't asked him for the right reasons or maybe I don't have enough faith to see it's fullfilment.

I saw his power today. It was a song, I cried out in the car "what am I going to do, I don't know where I'm going anymore" and I hit the radio and you know what played, Sting and the Police Every Breath You Take, but not the whole song, just the last chorus it was an answer. He's watching me.

I have to die to in order to live for christ. Not physical but the old nature, and I have to be born of the spirit. I have to change the way I've been living. That is today, 11.54pm friday the 23 of june 2006. It's a new chapter to start. A cleansing, an understanding that I have to stop resisting the path before me and start living it. To start living the plan for my life. Not to just say the words but actually do it. I realise now how much in error I've been that I've been fighting his plan thinking what I was getting was better. However I wasn't, I just kept slipping further off the road. That can't be anymore. Life must change, and I must find salvation at the cross.

The wrong things have mattered to me for too long. The most important thing in my life suffered. My love for God, my love for Christ. I gave up on them to chase my sin. Not anymore.

The Lord has just been waiting patiently for me to see this. All I've ever needed and wanted is in Him. My Alpha and Omega, beginning and end. He calms the storm. His power, I've forgotten.

Now my purpose is to bring him Glory.

I understand finally what it means to die and be reborn.

Lord be with me.
With Love

In Christ

Tristan D.

Taking things too literal

I realise that generally when a person says something they're supposed to mean what they say and say what they feel. However we live in a world of duplicity where not all that is said can be taken at face value. One of my nicknames happens to be DUALITY. It's in my nature to use over dramatise my problems to hide my agendas beneath them. Unfortunately not all can see through the veil and I am often misunderstood.

I should change, I often feel, it's not really the readers fault that they take what I say so literally... Perhaps in their place I would do the same. I am however paranoid and so analyze something three times over before I let it go.

So I apologize to those who have read my blog and were lead astray.

With love and new found hope,

In Christ

Tristan D.

Like a wounded animal...

I am as the title implies a wounded animal, my pain is an emotional one manifesting itself in actual heartache.
All that I have come to love and look to for support is crumbling around me, my world is imploding upon the mess that it has become. My only solace, God and family, and shouldn't that be enough? It appears that no it isn't.
I love a person who doesn't share my feelings, i'm not upset that she doesn't share my feelings, i'm upset because suddenly every good thing that i've done for her has been tainted with doubt of its' sincerity. Everything I've ever said or done to her is suddenly wrong... How can that be? Why?
However such answers don't really need to be spoken. There is no point. There is no point to anything really. My life is draining of friendships, it seems to me that everyday I lose a friend.
Perhaps I drive them away? Should I care? It hurts, it really hurts... So I do care... I do!
Screw them... I didn't change they did... They can f*ck off for all I care now. I want them in my life, I do, but they've rejected me, they didn't admonish me with love, they just left me to fend for myself. How could I have been so stupid to start caring for people again... I will never make the same mistake a third time. I won't, I won't.

So my final words to you who may read this... If it offends you... Why did you come here?

Hits a nerve doesn't it? Guilt is a terrible thing...

With no love left

In Christ

Tristan D.