Monday, August 14, 2006

Change

Some say change is good, others loath it. They loath it because they can no longer control what happens around them. And as luck would have it, things recently changed for me. At first I was trying so hard to oppose it. I didn't want to let go of the old me, the one I had become so attached to. I was afraid because I thought I no longer knew any other way to live.

In that life I had a vice. And that vice was so alluring, so tempting, I convinced myself that I loved my vice. I wanted my vice everyday. All the time. But today I look back and see what a terrible thing that vice was, ensnaring me into a world where God had no place. A world of mistrust, and treachery.

In that life I forgot what it was to be a christian.
It's not the fault of the vice.
It's a fault of my own device.

And now things have changed,

The most exciting thing that happened to me this weekend was going to church.

A few months ago I would have seen it as pathetic. But not anymore. I'm thrilled that the most exciting thing that happened to me was church. It's a return to priority and first love. I was happy again, I am happy again. I haven't felt this much joy in months. Real joy. I haven't felt so at ease with who I am then I do now. It's been so long since new people have made me feel welcomed. They were genuinely happy to have me there. And all they did was talk to me. They made me feel like I belonged. I've forgotten what other christians are like.

You're probably wondering "What about the church you attend in Ipoh?" I've known everyone in that church since I was in diapers, it's a different thing all together. It's like how you know your parents love you, so you're always looking for it outside of your home, cause you expect your parents to love you. At least that's how it is for me.

It was just awesome to be so welcomed.
No one judging you, just accepting you the way you are.
Brilliant!

There was a girl there, from the UK, and you know what talking to her was brilliant. I haven't had a chat like that in ages. It's been so long since I've sat down and actually spoken to another human being apart from my family for more than 5 minutes, and a girl too. She was really nice, studying at Oxford University, absolutely brilliant. We talked for about an hour and a half. That was the third most exciting thing about my weekend.

I kinda skipped the second I know, if only to be dramatic, it is my blog after all, and if I say second comes after third then so it shall be. I digress, so now they've asked me to play bass guitar for them on sunday's at their service. This is an exciting thing cause well it gives me something to do on the weekends I'm in KL rather than stare at the walls of my room, it gives me a chance to hangout with my friend Vanessa who plays drums at this church. I haven't made time to see her for almost 8months now, and now that my life is in order I can. And it's opening new doors to new relationships, I'm thrilled.

Change was painful for me at first, but slowly it's turning into a good thing.
God did promise to turn sorrow into joy, and he's come through. I am in his debt as I always will be.

So I've changed, I've been through the refiner's fire. And I've come back a new person. But you know what it's not because of me, it's because of the one who watches from on high. When all the people around me gave up on me, he stuck with me. And today I'm better for it.

I actually wake up in the morning happy that I'm going to college, that I'm learning. In fact my old nature is fighting to survive. It's being overwhelmed by the new me. It's all different.
I am happy finally, I've found my joy.

God bless you!

In Christ

Tristan D.

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