Crossing the Line

I have over stepped myself in regards to Eric.
I will get to that later, first however we need a little backstory.

Yes arrogant I am Eric, but only when you're involved. My arrogance does not surface anymore when I speak to others. Anyone who says otherwise needs to think long and hard about the last time I was even remotely sarcastic, sardonic or arrogant with them.

Do you ever stop and wonder why I would be so angry towards you? Have you ever given it any thought?

I apologized to you in person for my behaviour when we first met in MUFY. I know how you felt, because I searched inside myself and saw how suffocating I had become even to myself. I was sincere in my apology. I was eager to make good friends, can you blame me for that? I now know my approach was incorrect. However my reasons were true and noble. I wished only to have good friends.

You scorned my friendship, you could not for the sake of friendship tell me the reason you were so angry towards me. You could not even write it in a note as you are so fond of doing these days. You told me half truths. At first I accepted you half truth, I thought about it, and saw how my actions could be preceived as strange, I was mildly insulted but i thought at least you were being honest. I felt really insulted when I read it in your blog. And then I could not trust you anymore. You lied to me. Have I ever lied to you? Have I ever been dishonest about what I feel? Or who I am? Never.

Christianity preaches forgiveness. So ok you're not a christian, and you feel you don't need to forgive. You were proud that you didn't want to forgive me. Proud of it? How can that be? I asked anyway to be forgiven, and I forgave you. I let that pain go.

All seemed well for a time. Then we moved into this apartment. I was happy at first. I tried getting a place for the both of us. Not because I pitied you. If you think that you insult me more. I thought you were my friend. And this is something friends do for each other. Then enter Syn. We get this apartment for the 3 of us. We move in.

And then you betray my mother. Spreading stuff that you shouldn't moreover you repeat it and change how it was said taking something so out of context, and you cause strife again for me. And this time my family is involved. And on top of that, you're "caring" for "our" other friend caused me strife with that person, whom I care about. Not only do you insult me, but also my family, and our honour.

I spoke to you in person. I was pleasent even though inside I felt so betrayed. I let it go again. Just let it be. I tried patching up the damage you have caused. I was partially successful.

Then came the notes on the door. I realise here I am to be blamed, I didn't do my share in house. You had a right to be angry. In fact I didn't do my share in a lot of things. Most of which didn't concern you. The only thing that actually concerned you was this house. But I was a good sport about it. When I realised what an ass I was being I started doing my bit. But in the meantime, you screwed my name behind my back, I know you had help. But this is about you. Talking about me behind my back. When not once have I ever said anything about you. Not once have I ever revealed any of things you did to me. Obviously I'm the fool, i should have been out there gathering "emotional support". Talking behind another person's back. I've been told by 3 people that this is a common occurence amongst "friends" it's just how people are. I talk about you, you talk about me. If this true, my worst enemy would be a better friend, at least he would talk about me to my face. For he'd enjoy it more than behind my back.

And here comes the straw that broke the camel's back. A simple thing. The volume of a show I was watching. You came and told me it was loud. I said ok and put the sound down. Then at 2 in the morning, I receive that SMS. You insult me! Again! You insult my intelligence, my weight! You post those insulting notes all over your door! You question whether I care about you? All you needed to do was knock on my door and tell me the sound was still to loud. But it makes me think you wanted to hurt my feelings. That you wanted me to be angry. There was a peaceful solution but you took the one that would cause the most hurt. Why? Why did you have to be so spiteful? Do you think yourself so clever? So superior that the feelings of another person no longer mattered? Who is the arrogant one now? I am arrogant towards you, it is to punish you for your own arrogance.

Maybe I'm to self righteous. I find it hard to believe that righteousness is a bad thing. But if it be I would gladly be wrong. Where is the integrity? Where is the honour? I know if I was judged I would be found wanting. That whatever integrity I have or honour is not worth God's spit. Still is it not better to have moral fiber? Are we animals that we can no longer be civil?

I do not presume to preach to you Eric, God know my wrongs. I know my wrongs. But do you know yours? I am held accountable for my actions? Do you believe you aren't?

You hurt me so many times. Each time I took it and forgave you. And asked for forgiveness for my contribution.

After the last one. I forgave you, but I could no longer forget. Because you cannot forgive me. I tried speaking to you. I tried to be civil. And you ignored me. When my mother came you tried to ignore her. You even ignored my friend.

Now I come to the part of over stepping myself.

I should not have flooded your tag with my arrogant ramblings. I was caught up in my pain, revelling in it. My madness consumed me and I said things that I mean and yet do not mean. For that I apologize. I say all the above with calmness and serenity.

If I have made it seem like you alone are to be blamed it is not my intention. I have clearly outlined my part in all this, my part to the best of my knowledge. I am not completely a victim here but neither am I the perpetrator.

Remember this, we are each accountable for our own deeds. I have weighed mine. I have been forgiven, perhaps not by you, but with the one above. You may not believe, but I do.

I have a request and that is; please do not insult my beliefs in Christ.

And finally I'm burying the hatchet.

-End-

In Christ

Tristan D.