Prayer and Salvation... The end is nigh!

Lambasted, berated, praised, exalted,
Questioned, queried, joy, sadness, feelings, emotions,
Does is not it feel like sometimes life can only amount to here and now?

That nothing we do has a higher purpose,
That we are indeed a random set of coincidental occurrences in our initial forming,
Are we random pieces of a puzzle?

Do we have a preordained purpose or are we just the crude flesh,
Which we see in the mirrors that line the narrow halls of our minds,
Finitely closed, of which we are so caught up with?

Then something changes it all from being without direction to a sudden goal,
I saw that direction, that light, I lost it, and I found it again,
But it isn’t as bright as it use to be, there is so much between the light and I,
Too much darkness has crept in,

I struggle to reach that shore where the light stands,
But it seems impossible; the waves are too high,
And the storm darkens my way further,

The winds at my back howl like wolves,
Only turmoil is clear in its infinite unchanging chaos,
Even so my ship remains a stagnant beast.

The sins of man have separated us for too long from the maker,
We can’t find our way back to him, into the water I fall,
It is when I have lost all power over my life, You are strongest,

And I see You there, standing on the waters in the stormy night,
Like Peter, I feebly try to reach You; I rise from the water,
I walk upon it, but I hear the winds again and feel the rain,
I fall into the deep,

I am drowning; I try to reach the surface again, to reach You,
I can’t; the currents pull me further down, my lungs burn for air,
Am I dying? Have You forsaken me? Where are You?

I see You, but my vision tunnels, it is too dark to see You,
I am expiring, my arms and legs are numb, all becomes still,
The cold seeps in; my flame is nigh extinguished,

The random pieces that we are, we are lost, and we are alone
We think so, but we are not, Your hand rushes in, it clasps my own,
And it pulls me to the surface; I rise for an eternity,

An instant later, I’m standing with You,
I stand steady in Your embrace,
Have faith, You say I will never forsake You, I will always love You,
And this is his covenant with me,

In Christ

Tristan D.

Deep and directed unadultrated hatred!

I hate life at this moment... I hate you... yeah you! You know why? Because I can! You can hate me too... It doesn't make a difference... I don't know who you are! Quite frankly, today I couldn't care less... In the deep darkest parts of my heart... I feel hate, anger, rage, jealousy and murder today, You want to know why? I'm telling you whether you like it or not, keep reading! What was it about today? A look? A voice? A person?I'm not sure... It could have been all 3, I don't care... I burn... and

My soul is engulfed in rage,
My blood pulses in my temples,
My anger rise to the surface,
My hatred I embrace,

Joy and sadness,
Apprehension and expectation, at its return fills me,
Too long have we been separated,
The sudden sense of familiarity,

The pain of heartache long buried returns,
The life I lead returns to haunt me,
The mask I've long held falls to pieces,
Stare upon death itself I do,

Now I feel the cold emptiness return,
My life as it is today,
My life as it has been today,
I am alone, my hatred, my only warmth.

So I hate you for being you, you know why? Because I can't be you, Not even for a day...
Pray for the fragile mind, now in its hour of chaos!

Today's poem on top of the one above,

Title: Rage

The rage rises in my blood once again,
The hatred pounding in my skull once again,
The bloodlust returns, a broken soul's vengeance,
The abomination is taking control, I'm helpless again

I can taste hate's bitterness in my mouth,
I can feel its excitement as the cycle begins again,
I can feel the pressure in my head build as it asserts itself again,
My every fibre burns with hatred for you,

You ask me why? I answer,
You opened the flood gates,
You ask me how? I answer,
I loved you; you could not see it,

Now I loathe your presence,
Now I will cut your cancer from my heart,
Now the demon long buried returns,
Now this pain must die,

You must die, my bloodlust assuaged,
I must die; sins price my soul's suicide,
And I will laugh over your grave,
And I will cry over your grave,

Then there will be silence.

In Christ

Tristan D.

After a short break for no apparent reason...

Just getting settled into my 1st week at uni... life is pretty sweet at the moment... haha... not much is a miss... classes are interesting... and most importantly friendship repairing... and new one's are being formed... life is definately on the bright side or perhaps because I have more light in my i.e. God...??? He's guiding me and I guess I feel His hand holding mine... It's good when He is in control, suddenly there is a direction and a purpose to your life...

I wonder then why do we often go astray? Like myself... I know what it's like having Him in my life and still I let myself slip... being in the presence of God is intoxicating... It's euphoric... and yet we allow ourselves to lose that high...?? It's a good high, followed by a deep understanding of how special we truly are... and we are special... each and everyone of us... some of us can smile no matter the situation and make other smile... happiness can be infectious... and there are those of us... who no matter what can always make sense of utter chaos...

I'm blessed to be with people like that... I have so many that I can't and won't list them... but they know who they are. They make my life bareable... and I love each and ev'ryone of them.

A poem for them I wrote...

Title: For You

When above my head dark clouds gather, and storms are unforgiving,
When shine no more my face can, and shadow rises to take me,
When surrounds me all that have and no path can I find,
Then in my hour need God and you are there, ever patient, ever waiting,

The smiles, the words, the helping hands, the love,
When all else in my life fail God and comrades I will always have,
When all consumes me, only these words do I have for you,
I will say in sweetest surrender, Thank You.

In Christ

Tristan D.

Absolute and complete nothingness

I realise yesterday I promised to relate the happenings of my prom (and its subsequent morning) however I can't, not tonight at least...
I begun the day at 9am... there was an exam to be done and after that some wasting of the time... after which I proceeded with my uni mates (sounds like a new breed of monkey) to pyramid where there was a frenzied purchasing of 14 tickets to watch the Fantastic Four, we the proceeded to lunch at A & W
(I should receive some form of payment for all the names I've mentioned... Free Advertising... Sigh)
Moving on... movie was pretty good... I wished Charisme had been there... she's always nice to have around... it was fun all in all...
Then we went our separate ways... Mine happen to be the same as Marcus, Vero, and Aries... we hung out did some official University type stuff... haha... then there was some eating(integral to the daily existance of most homosapiens, homoerectusians[if that word even exists] and even cromagnian man) so it is a well established fact, when humans meet... they eat...
Then there were plans made to do some internet gaming on my condo's local area network (which hence forth shall be refered to as LAN) After which there was another run to pyramid because my computer had a limited amount of RAM... I purchased more RAM and found it to be completly defunked... it had to be sent back... more travelling, some cursing... a stop at Mc Donalds and a cheese burger later... my computer was up and running... there was some gaming, marcus poor chap couldn't join... something funky was goin on with his input/output aparatus... we could not detect him... it was too small... the bandwidth i mean... so the network lagged and only steven and I could... play...
So after the playing, I did some of the chatting.. and now the blogging...

This blog was definately not filled with anything deep or profound... well you read the title and choose to continue reading... haha... so if you've got this far... why not leave me a comment... so I will have something to read.. instead of my own drivel.

The prom events will come soon... I hope...

In Christ

Tristan D.

A poem... deep and profound? You tell me... haha

As I lay my head down this night,

I fear I shall not see the morning's light,

I fear this night my flame shall be smothered,

And all to soon shall I see divine light or Hell's blight,

And though I be dead to the world,

I live still in thee,

In Thy memory,

Cursed am I for knowing,

That I myself caused my greatest pain,

And my soul's death,

I owe it all to mine self,

In thee I sought my refuge,

In thee my solace,

When my corpse is laid in eternal slumber,

Weep not for me,

Rejoice instead for now thine own suffering has ended,

And my torment still to come.

Tomorrow:

I will post the events of a certain prom and the eventuallities of the night and its subsequent morning.

In Christ

Tristan D.

profound type stuff not here yet... peace out

So here i am blogging... wooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooo,
it's my first entry... so i guess there isn't much too right now...

It's half past 12 in the afternoon... I'm hungry... oh am I majorly hungry...
It's been a pretty sleepy day overall...
I had a late start this morning (10.00 am) since there was nothing to be done...

Anyways since Mae Gyin and Kevin are here and... well if I don't move quick I will be bruised by Mae Gyin so this all for now... check back later for more deep and profound brain stuff...

Edit:

Ok it was a false alarm... we didn't go anywhere... unfortunately... we were supposed to go to Mindy's place but it didn't happen so... I'm continuing my less than deep and profound stuff... haha

They're still in my room being all lovey dovey... it's funky ... haha... ok it's stopped (riiiiiiiiight)

anyways I don't have much to say really so this ends my edit...

In Christ

Tristan D.