The Jakarta Deception

It’s been about a week since my last post, I apologize deeply for my absence from the world of self opinionated, egocentric blogging… Truly I say to you people of the world (Whose numbers are currently people who have so much free time to keep up with my nonsensical ramblings, it borders on criminal) that many deep and profound brain things have indeed passed through my mind these last (almost) se7en days.

Things like the real reason behind the haze!

It seems to me that the haze we experienced was all a big ploy by the Indonesian government to take over our (cough, cough) our fair and beautiful land… You wonder how… well think about it they burn their forest and the smoke produced is carried by the wind to our fairest Malaysia (gagging). What is produced from the burning of wood?

Chemistry 101, carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide and a whole host of other cancer inducing substances! It’s like everyone in Malaysia smoking cigarettes all day long, can you think of the ramifications the smoke would have on our lungs? Doh! Lung cancer!!!

They tried the same tactic before… in a different way though; it started with their ‘Illegal’ immigrants, taking up every single factory position because they were willing to work for less than any KFC loving, belacan breathing Malaysian and putting our people (I use the term very loosely) out of business, Malaysians couldn’t find jobs anymore… so they did what any other nation without jobs do, Malaysian vices increased, smoking and drinking were at an all time high, in came the Indonesian sempurna brand cigarettes and the Indonesian ‘top beer’, cheaper then 90% of the cigarettes and beers in the Malaysian market, making them the best solution for cash strapped Malaysians who had no jobs at the time, however their fiendish plot was stopped. And life continued, Malaysians were oblivious as always save their new tendency to smoke and drink which has been passed on to their children hence the birth of places like Bangsar and Hartamas, and then came the first haze, an accident truly.

But the Indonesians were crafty they realized that the haze would be an even easier and more effective way of causing wide spread lung cancer. Not to mention their government was strapped for cash because they had invested heavily in cigarette and beer commercials with skimpily dressed women in an attempt to aggressively sell their previously mention product. So this time they set fire to their forest, and they synchronized this with the burnings in Putrajaya so no one person could wholly blame them for the haze.

Why lung cancer? It’s terminal… If no one is left in Malaysia, they don’t need to fight… We all saw what happened to their army in East Timor.

No offence people of Indonesia, someone had to be the butt of the joke, sorry it had to be you. To all my Indonesian friends who read this…

Please take it in the spirit it was meant, I don’t mean what I just said. It’s only for laughs. Please don’t be hurt!

(The Jakarta Deception is a work of fiction. Names, places and incidents either are a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously)

In Christ

Tristan D.